..one has to accept the fact that they are a beginner. This is the hardest thing in the world to do, well not the hardest thing, i'm sure becoming an astronaut or raising four kids could be harder. ( i don't know if i like how constantly i contradict myself..sometimes it makes me laugh..but it is a constant interruption..sigh)
I want to sit down and paint a picture perfectly. I don't have time for years of training, the force - yes i also thought of StarWars- is too strong. I have to create -completely NOW!! The sad truth is that I can't even write a letter much less put a stamp on it and mail it off. Perfection is an enemy that stops you at the gate and reminds you that you can't do it all, so why even start. Not that i'm consciously aware of those thoughts, but i recently read an incredible book that has revealed so many things about me that now, i see everything!
So, I need to be perfect and I can't be perfect, I know I can't. So what do I be. I can't very well begin my day with, "I'm off to do something incorrectly!" If I am certain I will make a wrong decision, say the wrong thing, write the wrong word. How can I do anything? How can I move forward?
The answer is, I can't. I'm stuck! I'll admit it. Until I can admit that I'm a beginner and embrace, yup embrace that I can only do my own awkward version of living in my own unromantic way, sigh. then I very well could stay in this bed forever.
Every day that I haven't stepped out, feels like one too many. I know, it is time to begin.
2 comments:
Your own awkward version of living is God's very radiant version. . .
thank u for this, i am saying it over and over and over.. it is hard to believe, but incredible to hope in (thank you)
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