The Miracle of a Telephone Call

The answer is a telephone and a long distance plan.

It's not living in the past or wishing for the future if when I think of you I call.
I'm not a small distant something that interrupts your vibrant life

Rather, I am living in the present. I am hearing your words and learning of your days
and you are asking me about my thoughts on things and we are creating and building something brand new that NEVER was before.

We're living. voice to voice. meeting somewhere in the sky.

I'll call you again, presently :)

a farming daughter

I arrived early and walked around the block a few times, then I stood ( a little awkwardly by the post at the back) I figured the workers were inside and they would come out and I'd just go with them. I was a bit nervous, but mostly cuz I wasn't sure if I should be at the back or go in.

I decided to go in. A lovely woman was there, who I really like. She had long white hair in a barrette

(originally from Montreal) She told me the crew wasn't here yet and that I could wait. I said i'd buy a coffee and she said that she would give me one.Whoa!! I should have come earlier. It is so relaxing and restful there with the water and music. Especially the music.

Then the lady who had long white hair asked me if I'd eaten breakfast and I said I had half a banana.. she said that wasn't enough and would I like bacon and eggs.. I said I could have an egg.. and she went and got two eggs to cook just for me!! Then hanah said they had muffins and would I like a muffin. I said yes, and then was asked about the eggs and I said I think I'll be okay. I felt super bad since she had taken the eggs out, but I didn't want to be waited on like that, eggs being made just for me.

I offered to help in the kitchen – and she said, eat your muffin. I kinda felt like I had said something weird, but then she said, I appreciate your willing spirit, but you need your energy (or something like that)

Then I was introduced to Yananya – whose name I thought was Yanick.

He said, I thought you might like to see the animals, and we went into the barn, it was stinky and I was like, here we go, I am really and truly on a farm! He opened a gate and goats ran past me and around the corner. I reacted the way I do when a cat zooms outside, I ran after it and caught it and coaxed it to come with me in the right direction. I liked them! It was super cool ! I was so proud that I didn't need any training in that.

Then there were some stronger ones, they needed leashes and we walked them through a bit of forest to their pen outside. I loved that part, but I had to bend down because I didn't want to pull much on his neck. Yananya actually put both their heads in one leash – so I guess I was a bit too gentle with mine. I got him running at one point which was great – but he still stopped completely right at the gate.

They do that apparently.

Then I got to meet the sweetest baby cow! I would say the highlight. A young girl, age 10 calles him little king or something. I like him sooooo much. Soooo much!

Baby cow!!

I heard that when he was born, his mom cried for him or maybe he wouldn't stop crying, but they wrapped him in a blanket and he could peek at his mother. He wouldn't nurse, so they bottle fed him, well her older brother, Ashhish (?) did.

Her other brother was my favourite. “In California the snakes aren't garder snakes they are rattle so you half to be careful”

He was from Quebec, so I talked about taking the Ferry over there, and he was like “what? Really?” and I thought maybe I was wrong, lol. I kinda wanted to ask if he spoke french, but never did, I kept being about to, but it made more sense to talk about the vegetables and work.

He told me that the goal was Humility and that the elders are easy to respect because they have been around the farm much longer and are very humble. It is easy to respect a humble person.

I really liked that. That that was the ultimate goal.

We thinned out the carrots, because so many had started sprouting. This was like tweasing eyebrows, just getting rid of the ones that were too close, so that instead of a bunch of small ones, there would be fewer but they would be bigger. I am nervous that the carrots won't grow properly, that somehow I messed up that for the harvest. I don't know. It's nerve wracking knowing this will either bloom or not and it's kinda my fault if they don't. Then we transplanted “cucumber” maybe. Maybe you had to be really gentle and make sure none of the roots broke. I had to dig a whole inside a whole in the garbage bag covering and then flip the plant upside down out of it's green container and then put it inside the hole without the dirt square crumbling and the roots getting broken. It was tricky. I was nervous that I wasn't doing it right. At one point I said, some people can't tell cucumbers and zuccini apart – and he was like “what?!! they are very different plants” We took a break from that and went along where there were giant plants growing, they had beautiful – artistic swirled parts right in the centre- and we pulled those out – careful not to pull all the way to the bulb. Yananya said that if you pull and there's a white part, you should eat it because it's good. It is 7:45 and I have eaten lunch and dinner, but I can still taste it. It was like garlic and also a bit like a chive. I found out that onions take a while to grow. I asked what took the most time.

The greenhouse was ridiculously hot and I started sweating right away! I am so glad we weren't in their long. That part I was not a super star at. We were suppose to pick up as much earth as possible where the broccoli were and Yananya lifted two handfuls together so it looked like he was carrying small islands to the bin – whereas I could not get any dirt and ended up with a few leaves and roots, so I became the person who pushes the bin closer so Yananya can put the brocoli and dirt in. (great.)


I was asked to plant a straight rows of “Poppy's” I didn't expect the seeds to be florescent light blue, It felt like showering pixie dust into the earth, perhaps I was planting a rainbow..

Getting the weeds and plants from around the bottom of apple trees

Picking rocks, dumping them in the mud puddles, to start building the road.
I was doing what the boys were doing so there didn't seem to be any “woman's work” specific for me.
but I didn't get offered to use the machines :) which I was glad of.

I most definitely would wear gloves the next time
I don't like touching the metal poles with dry dirt hands. I hate that feeling.
I also got hurt. My hand stung, I thought I had a sliver or a little piece of glass.
I can't believe I picked up a slug and just threw it. Ewww. I just do what I have to.

I felt SO strong and full of life! Energy.

When I got home, covered in dirt – feeling like I'd done something I'd never done before, which might be my new favorite thing to do.
I took a bunch of pictures of me all dirty :) and I was smiling huge.

this only shows some of the dirt. I was covered!! It took hours to get me clean!

                                                                 Carrots in my pocket !!!

I couldn't believe it, all the work I'd done and especially carrying a bucket of rocks up the field and I wasn't broken.

It was impossible, but here I was, feeling Better, Stronger, More energized
I showered and showered and still had some dirt under my nails.

I was happy – like laughy happy and I jumped on the bed. It was awesome!

I felt like a brand new me! SO strong.

So strong!

Always know

"I wish all the people I loved the most could gather in one place, and know eachother and love eachother well. And I wish we could all go camping and lay beneath the stars with nothing to do and stories to tell, and we'd sit around the campfire and we'd make eachother laugh remembering when
and you're the first one i'm inviting - always know that you're invited my friend

. . .at the risk of wearing out my welcome at the risk of self discovery, i'll take every moment and every minute that you give me"

                                                                                                     - Song by Sara Groves

avalanch

okay ouch..


this is what it is to slip.

there is so much noise and so far to run, when I have no strength to even take a step.
it's not just the present: not having work. It's so much more than that. While I never specifically had a plan for my life, I did have deep dreams that would occasionally surface through random comments.

I want to see South America. I want to go to India. I'd like to visit Greece.
I really really wanna adopt. I might be open to having a child by birth sometime after that.. (this is the unanswerable question) I'd like a studio space. Somewhere to paint, scrapbook. I'd like a dark room. I'd like to have a friend to just be silly with.. to throw paint at and wear ridiculously fancy dresses and go for tea.

I didn't think I would be so far from these hopes and dreams.

I'm just at the very beginning. I need to get into a school, and then teach for a bit. I always thought I'd teach for a few years before being a mom. Now it just seems like I need to do it all now! And I can't.

Like I said, I can't even take the first step.

I need a hug for every cup of coffee I'm taking throughout this day.

I am trying to fit into other people's days and moments, and I am thankful for this. But I know where I wanna be.. I just don't know how to get there..

Sometimes I think letting go of the dreams might be the only was to heal. Because everyday it hurts a little more.

I guess I thought I'd be the daughter with generations to guide me and others for me to care for. Just a ripple in the pond, a face in the circle. Happy Surrounded.

I feel so alone. Surrounded in glass. Untouched.

I want to run around and smash the glass and free us all to run into the streets. I wish I was as powerful as the first snowfall.. I wish I could gather everyone together.

Like a newborn. without this touch, I am dying.