there is a courage to honour the sweetness i am that i have almost lost time and time again
there is a quiet knowing that is unfolding
as i return to health
as i almost can breathe out and breathe in
a clarity
a calm
a way to carry on
i remain
the same
as i am
my name
Nobel
Truth
and warrior to boot
but what these words mean is more elusive than they seem
and what they meant before
they just don't anymore
and this colour is still peach.. just bolder!!
this is the very beginning of a return to wellness, and life does just rush right in
the minute it hears you breathing in and out again
like a cat who has been waiting for you to wake so it can finally get fed
"Hold on a minute! Yes, it's true I am out of bed.. but i need just a few hours
maybe a day to straighten out my head"
I have been in a storm of fear and facing last day kinda thoughts
I have felt that i have undone more by trying to tie it all up
And there is no answer and I am totally lost
and my life has truly ground to a halt. And now what!!"
So, I would love a moment to appreciate this feeling
of being able to sit up, heck even lean sideways it's so refreshing
Doing laundry and tidying some books
wandering out into the sunshine
for just a few minutes
It's 10pm. I really should get to sleep
I'm not entirely sure that I will stay well until dawn
but this is what I am counting on.
One small cough to remind me of my fears
I sit up straight I will have a tea just incase
so this is going to begin with a yell
AHHHHHHH!
All i want to do is START over.
I got a new phone because my old phone was completely full of photo's and notes.
I did not want anything transferred over, and for a few days i only had three phone numbers.
My husband, my sister and my employer. It was nice.
Then out of nowhere my icloud connected with my phone and in a rush there was a flooding of photos into my new phone and once again I was overwhelmed and unable to take a picture or send a text.
I have also wanted to have a whole new email however I know that it is linked with my banking and that I have had it for so many years that when people want to suddenly reach out - which happens more than you'd think - they wouldn't be able to.
I couldn't possibly contact all of these people and give them my new email.
And I don't even want a phone, but I would be unable to know about shifts at school and I would be unable to say good morning to my sister who I am in touch with often these days.
Not to mention without facebook, I would not have any knowledge of births or deaths or be able to join online yoga retreats. I wouldn't be in touch with so many.
But I don't have any self control. If the chips are in the cupboard, I will eat them y'know.
So, I am going to try and turn off my phone after work or at least plug it in somewhere far from me.
It is going to be impossibly hard, but I just love when I can feel time passing slowly - when I write poems - when I am ready for the day.
for years I have been swallowed up by social media and belongings. I am 42 and would like to wake up and smile and live authentically.
this is just me, my needs, my heart.
I live in other lives and I carry everyone's situations.. and just for a little bit I have to draw near to myself and make my world small.
i love you.
i just need to shake out my heart and my mind.
If I can't quiet what's rushing in. I will turn it off - and hopefully quiet myself.
In Honour of St. Brigid
on this last day of January it's basically February
In Wintering Sunlight
This warrior of compassion
Who spoke her wish before a King
and all who were near
desperate for ration
beholding their answer in
a miracles unfolding
Under the blanket of glistening light
the soft spikes of green stand strong
in their might
not crushed by the weight of the sleepy
season
but alive as though with new
inhibition
So brash and so rampant
the green far and wide
breathing in
they all felt
the rush of growth
from all the flowers inside
changed for facebook post. I think i like it better.
