In the Pink

I am So excited and i did not think it would feel this way.
We bought a house!!

What?!
Who am I ? Why here? Why now?

I never thought it mattered, really. Renting is fine. I never found a place where I could stay forever. A home was to be forever: it would be where I gave birth and raised kids and lived out my days. There were a few times along the way, Osaka Japan. We thought that was it. Courtenay, Bc. Yup. I had my forever school family and Alastair was pretty figured out. There I was landed in the hippie land of lovers I had dreamed of but didn't know was real . . . . . . .this side of sleeping.

Here.
Where I am nervous about the Cougars? Where I worry for the safety of myself and others? Where my eyes have been opened and heart filled with horrors. In 38 years, I never knew such pain could be part of someone's life. Where I have no best friend.

This small town.

Where there is the Ocean and a cat called Moon.
Where I am me because there is no one to copy and I can no longer hide the torrents in my soul.

Here
When my by marriage - sister has just had a baby boy, her first and my cousin too.
When I know I miss my sister every moment of the day, and when I know we can finish each others sentences.

Here where I often don't get the joke.
Here where I wonder when I'll laugh and if I'll ever find the magic I once was surrounded by, this magic that was as dependable as the rain.

Here.
Where I might play the Cello? The small Celtic harp? Here where I have found myself, the ten year old, the teenager, where all I want to do is write to those who have formed me over the years.

Where I have time and space to create and dream and say thank you.
Where I see my flaws. Where I feel my own anger and see my mistakes.

Where I'm far from the children that were almost mine.  xox
Here I will stay?

With the house saying clearly, it makes no sense - not yet, but we are suppose to be together. Just trust this feeling and let your life begin.

It's like having a child - it is worth announcing, it is a journey of tears and hopes. It has been so meant to be from the home owners having in their home the map of Mundi to them having home schooled because they get what it is to raise a child.

I was drawn because of the rust-red colour in the kitchen..when we arrived, it was gone as they felt it was time for a change. So strange. The only thing i knew i liked, what drew me there, is no more.

But because they were changing the colours, I was asked what ones i might like. I said I would like a pink house.. thankfully Alastair felt that one room would be enough. He was right. It's a lot of pink.It makes me laugh, it doesn't matter, I'm apparently sweet to the core.

Here I thought I would get a tattoo and septum piercing.. but maybe I'll have a tea party and wear a pouffy dress instead.. sigh.. #neverthecoolkid

Pink symbolizes Hope and Everlasting Love. Pink is a colour of comfort.
And there's the french-door window where morning sun comes in.

When I'm a little less new to all this, I'll share the reason we got it. The tremendous mushroom and tall tall trees in the back right corner of our yard. xo  Pretty much a mini filberg.

    whoops! xox