little voice

for so long i have lived in a realm of hope, laughter and safety.

there is so much that you don't tell a child and so much that you do.

i loved that my role was to speak hope and excitement into people, to help them see
the amazing person that they already were and to help them dream of what they would do
about it :)

to celebrate them! and in turn to explore the wonderful illimitable everyday. From raindrops
to roses, from whiskers to kittens. It was fantastic! It was a real fairytale.

Sure, there were tears and there is trauma. But in some way, I was sheltered from really
being shocked into silence at the world. It is not that there isn't hope, but I am just not sure if
people will get there at the rate we're going.

I want to believe that one person can make a difference, that each little change helps. That
telling kids to be kind to animals and to re-use things will help to mend the present maltreatment of
animals and somehow protect a forest and save at least one polar bear.

But I can't help but really believe it will take more.
And I think, deep down, I'm terrified that I won't be able to keep dreaming and playing and laughing.

As an educator too much is at stake. You have a chance to love and to teach. You have a platform where some of the students will listen and some might be impacted forever by how you treat them and how you live in the world.

It all overwhelms me.

I think. for the very first time. unemployment has been a way of stopping the conveyor belt i was on.
it's a shock for sure. i am no longer moving forward. but, like having loud music turned off.. i feel like i am hearing myself.

listening to something. Someone.

hearing the little me inside me, the real me, the one i have always been - since consciousness, and maybe long before..

and it is saying, " i don't know. i'm scared. we need eachother. we are always moving apart.. i feel it.

and it is asking, "why do we waste so much of life doing what hurts us. for money? it can't be just that. i am so confused. is there anywhere i can stand to balance the earth. is there anything i can say. is there anyone who can say - a word - to heal all of us?"

and it is crying...just a little. but it is grateful too.