You are still surprising me

 

     Well it happened again, this sense of wholeness, this calm washing over me that there was nothing more to do.. nothing more that needed to be done.. life was beautiful and everything was okay.

     the first time it was this sudden feeling that none of my dreams had to happen, i didn't have to go to peru and see machu pichu.  I didn't have to go anywhere. I didn't have to be anyone.  It was so incredible, to have all longing just hush.  Nothing was left to do. Everything was. 

    Everything was.

     And tonight, though my body hurts and there is a sense of unknowing about my health and if and when and all of that..  there is a peace.. there is a smile on my face that is larger than this room in how it feels

there is a connection, no a transfer - a flowing between us.. a sense of nearness

  and if we are okay, than everything is okay

  and i can simply breathe.   I can breathe in and breathe out and feel this deep rest.

  I am loved.

   and I don't need to ask again. 

   And the most incredible thing is that I no longer feel the deep desire to fall apart

   in safe arms.  I desire to be those safe arms.. I am those safe arms..

   There is gentle reciprocity, there is.. and like a breeze barely noticed that swirls through the

 trees causing them to dance to and for and for many to be torn from the branches, to fall to the ground, to crunch under feet. 

     i need only the lightest sprinkling of love..   it is yours, and i don't know why.

but i am so deeply content this night.

Something about you is intangible and so deeply necessary for my life.

You are having a time of pause. Stepping away from the focus of your days. You are finding a new direction. 

We are both shifting.  And it's October.  And we are in the Autumn of our lives.

The warmth of the summer sun still lingers, still teases us.. but the Winter winds are there to draw us onwards.. 

We are older. The time of day dreaming and molding oneself for others.. is over..

It is now time to breathe. Time to allow the very nourishing calm of everything getting ready to sleep. 

Time for russet leaves and golden sunsets.

Time.