lost in the waiting

 

   September strength is gone. October beauty is passing by. November rains have come.

And I cannot remember how to be amongst the children, marking time, and captivated by the world around them. 

I have been too long in silence. Wearing pyjamas. Keeping fear at bay.

Will I really awaken in the dawning of hibernation?

Will I really have my first day of life in Decembers dark days?

I know waiting rooms and hospital beds

I know my body weight is lower than usual.

I know my breath is still tight and I can't lift a milk carton yet

But I don't know the class routine and I haven't gotten to know the girl who loves

space.

And my school days will be shortened by nearly half.

And this morning as I walked past beautiful red leaves and mossy tree bottoms

I nearly cried

because it was like walking blind

I will light a candle and pretend I am cozy 

and not missing another day of my life.