This is the Month of November, the month that I spend as much time as I can in my house as I say goodbye. Goodbye to a dream of a space that I never thought would happen, that I wasn't even asking for although it held all my wishes. 

A large window seat and a beautiful red woodstove with a pipe right to the ceiling. And spacious wooden floored rooms. A kitchen, all of wood, that I called my "tiny home" for stepping inside felt like stepping into a motorhome space somehow. It was all I wanted. 

And the yard, a miniature Filberg or comox valley - ferns all around and tall TALL Cedar trees that held the whole night sky just above. And a firepit and large space to lay down a blanket, on the slightly slopping hill.

Today, I got to talk to Sofie. It's her birthday! I got to tell her that the last time we talked she asked me if I named blades of grass!! - She said she didn't remember that. But she does name them. Such a sweet girl. 

I got to hear all about how she has been. I think I have missed a year or more of her life. I don't know. But we're going to have bubble tea when I move back there. I showed her my yard and she loved it and gasped at the mushroom - her favourite kind, not to eat of course!

When I first visited this yard, it was a mushroom that kind that made me feel that I was somewhere special and magical. I am just remembering that now.

Why would you sit in a cupboard when you could be at the beach?

Why would you be at the beach when you could sit in a cupboard?

We talked about how she could make her closet a library. She is interested in sketching and writing. She likes punctuation.She tries to write correctly when she is texting.

It is lovely - and more - to have things in common still.

I know I didn't sleep much last night, maybe got three hours! But I feel a little bit sad. I had been waiting and waiting to tell Sofie I was moving back, she was someone who I knew would balance the sadness of leaving this place. And yet, after talking to her, I'm just slowly walking through my house and loving it all the more. She could visit, if I stay. It really is a beautiful (gasp worthy) back yard.

Not to mention my dream of a kindergarten. Is that evaporating? 

I told her about being at a birth. I told her about when I said to the kids wouldn't it be neat if you could ride right into the ocean, as a whimsical thought, but they did it! I showed her Moon and she showed me Luna. We talked about her horse, Fiera retiring and how she will have a new pony to train.

I do love woodstoves, but I also love sunshine on a frosty day.

And she got to wear a pink tiera and have bubbles at each plate. Her dad is making curry and the most delicious cake. It looked like maybe angel food cake and it was round with a hole like a donut.

We talked about Hugs, and how strange it is not to give and receive them. 

Maybe it is just that I'm tired. Maybe I need to sleep and eat well. I am glad there is sunshine.

And reconnecting with her for just a moment, I find a little ribbon and feel that I am finding the earth a bit. It is not exhilarating like a slow turn into madness.. like a reckless abandon.. it is even twinged with tiredness and sadness, but it is good. Being on this earth is good. 

and still.. you are not replaced.