jump in the puddle

I saw this and i stopped. And i smiled. And i knew i loved you in that moment

i saw the you that's hidden, the you whose always been there by my side

why do we hide?  When i read your sign, it says you are incredibly self sufficient and I 

I want to melt into someone

and i can love fiercely, fiercely with all i am 

if i am wanted, if i am safe in the arms of the person to whom i 'm promised

i stopped. I smiled. And maybe after seventeen years that is all that matters

all that matters and the questions and the fears and the sadness of all the years

it can all be washed away, in the realization that maybe we are okay.

I often thought that love was staying. When the days grew tough that you just hold on.

But i don't want a love that asks me to be strong and carry on.. i want to know for sure

every moment of every hour that i belong

see the magic in your eyes

feel my heart leap when you come by

is that too much to ask, have i been reading too many poems and wanting what is 

impossible.. 

maybe i am, but maybe it's worth asking for anyway because i feel that love when i am all alone, and no it doesn't happen all the time, i can spend a day just crying. a whole falling apart and losing my spark.

but when i am alone, there is an expanding of my soul and i sing and it seems beautiful and i feel closer to everything and everyone and all is well again, all is well again. 

maybe no one can join me in this revelry maybe only children because they still see all the invisible things and they understand the need to stop and smile. and jump in a puddle, get all muddy, find a littlesnail on a leaf because you were day dreaming and suddenly the world is large and small and you are in it all, and you stop and smile. you linger a while, there is a rush of emotion when you need to leave the forest for your home.

and its only okay if your parent leans in to say, we're going home, there's dinner to be had and maybe we'll have stories in the backyard or a little snack. Promises kept, oh sparkling hope and expectation for being together and sharing the simple things that are not simple at all.

It broke my heart when i heard someone say there was no meaning. I can only feel that that is not possible. I don't want to judge, but my heart grew sad oh so sad to know that they had forgotten the reasons and then i realized that i had too and i remembered that i let sorrow swallow all my dreams, yes they seem so far and so time forgotten, but i once thought they mattered, i once thought they were the most beautiful thing and i can't live in reality though i know that it makes a fool out of me. I am often misunderstood but i want to be stay me.

I want to stay me.

maybe a wounded childhood gave me all my magic. And maybe, there is so many things i could have been. And all the things i want to be and i long to do, they happen if you aren't me and if you've lived differently. 

once i wish i had spent my teens growing up in Japan. I longed to go back, but if i had gotten my wish i would not have met you. If i had gotten my wish I would not have met you.

It's time to trust all the paths I've tripped on, and all the skies I've looked up to. It's time to trust that if I disappear the ones who find me dear will come find me, and i'll know whose true. 

I can't pretend it's you.  If we can just put down our phones, if we can just widen our homes, if we can just find the peace in ourselves. If we can just put down our fears, if we can just drink our beers, if we can just be whoever we are, if we can stop being led by our scars, if we can just, if we can just, if we can just

if we can just let go of us.