Outrage is part of our healing.
Don't let anyone try to shuffle you away from your anger.
Anger is a wise, cleansing force alerting you to the truth of your worth and to the truth within you.
It's a necessary step in recovering from being violated, personally and collectively.
Don't rush out of your outrage, listen to it and harness it as fuel for wise, informed action on your own behalf. Your anger is part of your power.
Do what so few dare to do: Give your anger a safe, empathic space to be fully, completely felt. Harness it, listen to it. To the degree that you allow yourself to do so, is the degree to which you can increasingly own your power without apology. Anger has so many gifts. Not indiscriminate, projected anger, but the energy of outrage, felt and placed where it truly belongs. Anger has an inner alchemy that heals and isn't contingent on external validation.
Collective female outrage is a nectar that this world needs.
~ Healing the Mother Wound with Bethany Webster
Anger is a wise, cleansing force alerting you to the truth of your worth and to the truth within you.
It's a necessary step in recovering from being violated, personally and collectively.
Don't rush out of your outrage, listen to it and harness it as fuel for wise, informed action on your own behalf. Your anger is part of your power.
Do what so few dare to do: Give your anger a safe, empathic space to be fully, completely felt. Harness it, listen to it. To the degree that you allow yourself to do so, is the degree to which you can increasingly own your power without apology. Anger has so many gifts. Not indiscriminate, projected anger, but the energy of outrage, felt and placed where it truly belongs. Anger has an inner alchemy that heals and isn't contingent on external validation.
Collective female outrage is a nectar that this world needs.
~ Healing the Mother Wound with Bethany Webster
I have felt this. Many times recently. I need to SCREAM!!! Where can I go to just YELL as LOUD as I CAN? Deep into the forest - I do not dare. The edge of a cliff - someone would hear me. Where can I go to TEAR my skin and Bleed? There is no where. They would lock me up or at least worry for the rest of their lives. These strangers who came upon me. There is no where I can be this RAW. SO I cry and I shake and I grind my teeth at night. I want to form a fist, but I am new to expressed anger. I don't know if I have ever done it well. I feel guilty if I even speak strongly to someone else. And this is not even anger towards anyone, but a feeling of being completely undone. That everything is all messed up and anything I had is gone.
I am trying. It is good this small raft. It is keeping me afloat. Without this small raft, I would drown and so I love my small raft desperately and all the things that I can carry on it. But it is not the boat and it is certainly not the shore. I am FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR from those places. The great boat with it's string of bright lights and it's music and champagne.. and the shore where I am home, where I can name each tree and feel the cold wind on my face.
This small raft.
Is keeping my afloat. I am grateful, I can smile.
And compared with drowning, that smile can somedays feel like laughter and that laughter can sometimes feel like hope and that hope can sometimes feel like love, and I can say I am wonderful here.
Because I am not under water.
watching the last of my breath bubble up as my heart fills with panic.
Yes. I am doing well.
Thanks for asking.
But on the days when I remember and want to smash something - the only thing I can destroy is the only thing I have. And that is the one thing that needs to stay intact. So I punch the water and it ripples and returns to normal and I feel insignificant once again.
Even my rage makes no difference.
Nov. 1st 2018
Tonight was beautiful. I finally felt that Port Hardy was truly still Vancouver Island. There was an immense bonfire and live music under a glowing tent. The sparks from the fire soared up into the dark night sky and a pumpkin walk that lead me there glowed gently with fierce faces and sweet ones as the sounds of the waves made us all one. In the heat of the fire i glanced at a friend and found I was a welcome face to someone again. xo
