With a dragon fire release of air

I smile in this darkened room

with the harvest moon hazy and bright

just beyond the window in the darkening night

and i am beaming

as quiet drenches me with a joyous sense

that all is well with this journey

of wind, rain, and wondering

There is something true in me that wants

to stand, she has been only dancing alone

but at least she has been dancing

Something is easing

there is a softness here

an endless gentleness 

as more that i cannot see dissolves

i have said that i will live this way

for one whole year

i will allow the sleepiness, the tears

the anxious thoughts that come, the thought that

i love the one who bought me a diamond and walked by street rivers with large orange koi

swimming through

the thought that we are okay and this is but a small thing this hurt and this battle to not lose ourselves in the pain

but it nearly took us both

this pause is long overdue

and this yearning for arms around me

to say it's all okay

to be carried anew

is the price

of this truth

i have no roots and i have no wings

i have a thousand stories and wishes

of what could have been

and i have tonight

this room that holds me as i am

this house that smiles and says

i have been waiting

and as i learn to live well in this place

with the bunnies i startle and the horses that gallop in the neighbouring field

and the man with the twinkle in his eye

the woman who cares for seeds and ancient forests

and knows that apples do not grow the same as their parent does

if i can do laundry

and be so deeply happy for the flood of sunlight in the kitchen in the morning

if i can put my hood up in the rain and always love the ripples in the puddles on the street

and if maple syrup can mean more to me than any flag or song as means of heritage and home

and the sweetness of new fallen snow and school trips and my grandfathers footsteps.

then i will be offered by each little choice

a path that has always been mine

i have an ancient woman within, with hair white as the full moons light and she is doing cartwheels

jaggedly across the land inside me 

and we are laughing as she does

and like laughter we are startling and inexplicable and warm and connected and whole and free and human and ourselves

- written as I enter the darkness of an evening in late September, with the harvest Moon outside and the tiny 

moon of my engagement ring on my hand .. as a gentle remembering.. knowing I find my deep belonging in this in-between space between day and night..just before dream state..

drunk with thought not yet formed  A-men. xo. shrug. giggle.