i have just cut many inches off my hair
i'm keeping my dreads, for now
i am excited to get my nose pierced
it wasn't perfect, but there were moments
and at some point when i looked at you, i knew everything i needed to
without words, in the silence, with real presence
i knew
and now, i am washing all wondering away
and accepting reality though it comes with a lot of pain
i am here
my life is unfolding as it should
and i feel a deep sense of gratitude
as the angels gather round me again
and the wander lust parts of me
are ready to rest
and the fire is becoming a far away glow
and i only need a little warmth
because the world needs me
i know this much
so i'm getting my ducks in a row
and cleaning and organizing my heart as i go
dusting out the rooms of my childhood and finding they are empty
the things that i thought were there to haunt me, are not
it is flooding with light
and i can furnish it with anything i want
and i will invite you again, when the time is right,
when i know my home is where i am
though you come pretty darn close at times
just know
i needed you to get here
somehow i needed to be with you
and also, to let you go
for now, the house of my soul
is empty
the ghosts have all flown
and some have left letters, some have left poems and some little treasures
i'm later to know
but you are all colour and clearly not myth
so you will come knocking at some time and when you do
i will see how i feel
maybe i will smile through the window, or throw wide the door
and give you a tour
of all the me you do not know
of all the me you cannot see
but she doesn't even exist yet
and that is the marvelous, magnificent, fuckin' fabulous
mystery
No one knows me
and though my childhood formed me, and i have existed so fiercely in all that is gone
i am ready to open my eyes so wide it hurts and blinking see what is left
in the setting of the sun
