a fathers warmth is brighter than the sun

 listening to the whispers that have been there for so many years

 these whispers were warnings and now wake ups that have disarmed me

 these names - of people who have seen me who have loved me

these voices and arms that have held me and spoken over me

made me smile

made me laugh

listened

been there for me

perhaps

perhaps i will find everyone else because i have lost you

perhaps you were to remain in my heart through my child-gaze

maybe that is where i need you most

and sometimes when we grow, we speak differently, maybe in our conversation

while i would hear your voice and feel your warmth, something might have been lost

you are forever a golden light

forever a strength like no other

you were the antidote to all of the times i was never loved as a daughter

and i loved you for loving me 

but mostly i loved you for all of the ways you loved her

Mr. Lachapelle.

A rock warmed by the sun 

Steadiness in an unsteady world

I hear your laughter like fairy bells 

and imagine you a wonderful gnome in the woods

forever and forever and forever and forever

the seconds i spent with you

became entire worlds

and you gave me a glimpse of what it was to be seen

without you 

the me that is okay 

i'm certain 

could never have been 

Dedicated to Pierre LaChapelle and all the other Sunshine people in my life.