This is an incredible feeling.
This on my own that brings so much healing, and I see that to find myself alone I need to always be leaving him or running off somewhere. 

It never felt right, I did it in Japan and got to follow some geisha down a very narrow street. It was one of the most incredibly surreal moments of my whole life - and yet - Alastair did not know where I was. I don't remember if he was worried or upset.. but there was a sense that I couldn't just disappear into the crowd, that at some point there would be a tug and I would have to return. 

This morning, the whole of this place felt different. I walked to work, which on my early day I don't. It's such a small town and Alastair works at the same time so it's easy and makes sense to get a ride in with him. This morning, I got dressed and felt the smoothness of slipping into my boots before heading outside. It was like I was way more present. It was easy. The walk was brisk and I heard the birds. 

I was strong and silly at work and I felt more able to just be there. I loved doing the Kwakwala circle time. 

My world in this tiny place opened up a bit, with thoughts of doing yoga on the beach and having coffee at guidos more. I absolutely love the island life. Just looking out my window into the backyard and seeing the sun through the tall tall trees and someone's smoke from a fire billowing up in the yards below and peacefully floating into the sky. 

I want more of this! This land has captured my heart. 

It is not easy to leave him. He is so soft and sweet and his face is a part of the scenery of my life. Like the blue sky or the birds that sing. He is always there. As I live my life and wander in and out of thought. He is there. 

But when I do, a veil is lifted. A veil over my eyes and my ears and even my heart. Something comes loose and I am ME again!