so this is going to begin with a yell

AHHHHHHH!

All i want to do is START over. 

I got a new phone because my old phone was completely full of photo's and notes.

I did not want anything transferred over, and for a few days i only had three phone numbers.

My husband, my sister and my employer. It was nice. 

Then out of nowhere my icloud connected with my phone and in a rush there was a flooding of photos into my new phone and once again I was overwhelmed and unable to take a picture or send a text.

I have also wanted to have a whole new email however I know that it is linked with my banking and that I have had it for so many years that when people want to suddenly reach out - which happens more than you'd think - they wouldn't be able to. 

I couldn't possibly contact all of these people and give them my new email.

And I don't even want a phone, but I would be unable to know about shifts at school and I would be unable to say good morning to my sister who I am in touch with often these days. 

Not to mention without facebook, I would not have any knowledge of births or deaths or be able to join online yoga retreats. I wouldn't be in touch with so many.

But I don't have any self control. If the chips are in the cupboard, I will eat them y'know.

So, I am going to try and turn off my phone after work or at least plug it in somewhere far from me.

It is going to be impossibly hard, but I just love when I can feel time passing slowly - when I write poems - when I am ready for the day. 

for years I have been swallowed up by social media and belongings. I am 42 and would like to wake up and smile and live authentically. 

this is just me, my needs, my heart.

I live in other lives and I carry everyone's situations.. and just for a little bit I have to draw near to myself and make my world small.

i love you.

i just need to shake out my heart and my mind.

If I can't quiet what's rushing in. I will turn it off - and hopefully quiet myself.